PAULA HAMILTON-SMITH is a teacher by career and a performer by passion. In 2017 she married her soulmate Christopher Smith who was also an actor. After their blockbuster wedding, everyone eagerly anticipated baby Smith. Unfortunately in October 2018they lost their only son due to preeclampsia. This diary journalsHamilton-Smith’s healing journey with the support of her late husband. She has allowed this work to be viewed by the public so others can understand the pain mothers experience with the loss of a child and so that maybe they too can one day say “no matter how much it hurts, I would never give the experience back, because the gift of having my son trumps everything.”